2 Days: Ryan and Jeff

To strangers and friends alike, I often try to describe my two older brothers in a way that they'd understand.  Inevitably, I inform them that I am a unique blend of both, sharing some of Ryan's traits on one hand, some of Jeff's on the other.  It's convenient, it's quick, and it's kind of a feel-good anecdote.

It's also bullshit.  In truth, I offer such a description as a way to stroke my ego, feel good about myself, and make strangers and friends alike go away feeling like I'm somehow my brothers equal, or even their superior.  Sure, I share some of Jeff's characteristics.  And, sure, I share some of Ryan's traits.  But, one has to have some serious balls to place themselves on either one of these dudes' levels.

No one who has met Ryan has disliked Ryan.  His affable nature is obvious; his charm even more so. He's intelligent in a way that doesn't intimidate; he's personable in a way that doesn't overwhelm.  His ability to relate to people of very different interests and very different personalities is only approached by my mother.  The ease at which people feel being around him is uncommon.  The way my nephews look at him makes one want to have children, be a father, and then go out and be the best father in the world.  Even his wife, my beautiful sister-in-law, would have to grudgingly admit to his appeal.  People just *like* the dude; I just love him.

Nearly 16 years ago to the day, I attempted to give a speech at his wedding.  Due to an unique lack of ability to speak about those special to me without bawling like my future 2-yr old, I wasn't able to get out anything past.....well, I wasnt able to say shit. But, what I wanted to say is that my biggest regret was that, due to a seven year age difference, I didn't really know who my oldest brother was.  Sure, I remember him ignoring me as a young kid; I remember the beautiful women he would bring over to the house; I remember hearing stories about he creatively earned demerits in high school; I remember the hilarious home videos that he and his friends would create; I remember hearing the stories from people that did know him; I remember some of his specific sports accolades (or lack there of); and, sure, I remember him going away like an f'n *man* to the U.S. Naval Academy.  But, I never really *knew* him.

16 years later, one of my proudest accomplishments in my life is that, not only have I gotten to really know my oldest brother, he's one of my best friends.  Sure, he'll likely not admit that.  And, sure, he often doesn't answer my phone calls.  And, yeah, I think he likes Jeff a lot more than I.  But, damn, I think he actually thinks I'm kind of funny; I think he actually thinks I'm kind of smart; I think he actually thinks I'm kind of cool.  And, to a younger brother, any younger brother, but especially a younger brother to Ryan James Smalley.....well, that's the best compliment one could give me.  He's my idol.  He's who I aspire to be.  He's who I want people to say I'm like.  He's my oldest brother....and I f'n love him.

My other brother, Jeff, is the man that I constantly strive to please.  He always has been.  He's that guy that, even when not around, is that presence in your head that makes you want to be a better man.  I've never wanted to disappoint him; I never want him to think I'm a lost cause.  His values are unshakable; his faith is unwavering; his love for his wife is awe inspiring; his strength, not physical - thought he's jacked - is something my family has relied upon during some very difficult times.  He's the *rock* of the Smalley family.  He's the best father that William, Benjamin, and Natalie could ever want or ever could have.  He's just really, really special.  And, I love him.

Jeff is the athlete I've always competed against.  I know that sounds weird, perhaps even selfish and misplaced.  Despite never actually playing against him due to a 4 yr age difference and despite being his biggest fan,  he was my opponent every day in high school.  Jeff was the best athlete I've ever known; no one wanted to win more than Jeff.  Thats why he was my opponent; I wanted people to think of me like they thought of him.  His competitiveness is otherworldly; his drive to be great - in anything he does - is inspiring.  I always thought, "Be like Jeff - but better."
 That was my goal.  And, though that never happened, never came all that close to happening....it set my path.  It gave me something to strive for.  He was both my opponent and who I aspired to be.  I love my brother, Jeff.

When choosing who your best man is for your wedding, I presume it's created a lot of difficult choices for grooms around the world.  My choice was easy; I simply chose the *best* men I've ever known.  Nothing, outside of seeing my mother and my future wife smile as the latter walks down the aisle, will give me more joy than being next to these two great men.  I'm honored that I was chosen to be their best man at their weddings; I'm f'n overjoyed that they'll be next to me at my own.

They've always shown me the way, always paved the road. I respect and loved them deeply for doing so.

My Best Men, Ryan Smalley and Jeffrey Smalley.  What an honor!